I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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