ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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