Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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