i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
