It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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