I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
