I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
