You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
