I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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