I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
