The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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