I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
