That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
