im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
