So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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