if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
