No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
