dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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