sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
