I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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