Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
