its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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