I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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