Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
