Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
