called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
