Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
