.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
