His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
