Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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