): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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