my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize