I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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