I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
