Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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