Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
