I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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