I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So many bounce houses so little time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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