did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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