god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
