so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
