I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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