i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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