It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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