Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
