so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize