I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
