i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
