yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
