Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
