Im at strip club and am horny
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
