I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
