you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
