maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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