I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
