The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize