I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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