I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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