another moral hangover. fuck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
