I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
