i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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