We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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