when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
