Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
