He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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