its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
