dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
