"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
